Why I have trust issues. Abuse. Part 1

My legal name is Xanthe Wyse. I changed my name when it became a PTSD trigger after trauma.

I am diagnosed bipolar 1 disorder, rapid cycling and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Also social anxiety disorder. Bipolar 1 and PTSD are the main diagnoses. Seen by several psychiatrists and psychologists.

I am in a mood crash in this video, triggered by the abuse. It has suicidal ideation & distress accompanied with it.

This past week, I have been subjected to sustained abuse, mainly by one woman acting as a lying flying monkey. This woman, I once believed to be my friend.

This is why I have trust issues. Betrayal by those I trusted. Lied about. Abused.

The reason I figdet with something (in this case my necklace), is to ground myself, to help ease my anxiety and to stop me dissociating while dealing with such a triggering topic.

My throat constricts when I am triggered, which makes it hard to speak. That’s why I sip water in my videos, as it helps to relax the constriction, which makes me cough. When severely triggered, I cannot literally speak. I go mute.

The abuse has included lies, gaslighting, projection, public attacks, saying my deadname. When I see my deadname unexpectedly, I am still triggered. Called lots of names, a liar, a bad mother etc.

In this video, I stated what some of the lies are that I found out this past week from the attacks. Plus countered with the truth.

In the next video, part 2, I read out some of the abusive comments. There were dozens of them. I screenshot and blocked. Was told to block then the trolling continued complaining I blocked. It is very manipulative. These people are around my son.

Source: Youtube