Veteran Vision: PTSD SONG (Washed Up) Soulja



#medavet #jacobveteranvision When i got back from #Iraq i found that #hiphopmusic helped me with #PTSD. #Nothingprofessional but it helps me get stuff off my chest.
V1
sittin in the livin room trying to mellow
hella doubts cloud my mindframe as i try to settle down
counting down around the clock and im feeling like a clown
surrounded by these walls that surround me all around
bottles all around me but they’ve all been hollowed out
and my fucken tears just drown me as the keep on falling down
Ive got a stone cold face but i keep a seldom frown
because i promised to myself that i would work my problems out
it feels like my mind is playing trick, but I aint saing shit
cause these lips is bound tight an out right attempt to save my own damn life
through the darkness with a flashlight,
last night was that night, that night is this one
tomorrow nights the same night this home is my prision
this MIC is my weapon this song is my feelin
this is my question (repeats 3xs and fades)

Hook
How can I wash, this blood off my hands
where is my sould, its lost in the sand
#backtoiraq, every single night
aint no ifs ands or buts about my life
only question that i got God answer me quick
Im on suicide watch and i just my slit, both of these wrists
whats the point of it – Life- when you see no joy in it

V2
I’m trying to find a #pieceofmind,
on this track so i constantly hit rewind
and then I’m back every time i close my eyes
I see the pain inside
amplified by the fact that I’ll never be right
I wake up screaming, sweating and fiening
the weed and nicotine got me straight crazy dreaming
these demons, ripping me apart i don’t know where to start
its like my heart is full of venom and I’m walking with a mark
on my head, close my eyes and try again
my ceiling’s fan vibrating
like a #helicopterchasing, #terrorist down a dirt road
automatic gunfire, but i know I’m home
So I take a breather and I slow down
Light up a smoke and I pace it out
starring out the window like i just want to shout
thinking to myself, How, Why, When
tell me God, when will it end

Hook
How can I wash this blood off my hands?
Where is my soul, it’s lost in the sand?
Back to Iraq, every single night
Ain’t no ifs ands or buts about my life
Only question that I got God answer me quick
I’m on suicide watch and I just my slit, both of these wrists
What’s the point of it – Life- when you see no joy in it

V3
Looking at the pills that the military gave me -anxious,
i don’t know maybe it’ll save me -make this,
#Suicidaltendency go away i got to do something im tired of the pain
its like I’m getting closer, closer to the edge
much colder it seems like I’m watching every breath
every step is directed towards death
I don’t even want to get out of bed cause I’m so depressed
#PostTraumatically, I cant even click with my family
they tell me that its so sad to see
just what the military did to me, but please
save the sympathy, im in it alone man
so I’ll die by my own hand, no wait
put the pistol down J
its ok is what they say
I can hear’em as they try to budge the door
as the pistol pops off they see my corps just hit the floor

Hook
How can I wash, this blood off my hands
where is my sould, its lost in the sand
back to iraq, every single night
aint no ifs ands or buts about my life
only question that i got God answer me quick
Im on suicide watch and i just my slit, both of

Source: Youtube