Being raised by a mother or primary caregiver with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), most especially an untreated mom with BPD, can have life long impacts upon our mental, emotional, relational and physiological selves.
Sadly, due to the often significant stigmatization of BPD, alongside misdiagnoses, lack of understanding among lay people and clinicians, I believe there are many wounded adults walking around, carrying the weight of being raised by an untreated Borderline parent.
Some of them are Borderlines themselves, who also had BPD parents, some of them do not have a “technical” diagnosis, but have significant CPTSD, anxiety, depression, PTSD, OCD, and many other difficulties – directly related to growing up with a parent who displayed the traits of disorganized attachment behaviors, instability, intermittent reinforcement of attachment and connection (as in trauma bonds, mama trauma…in previous videos).
There doesn’t seem to be a great word for what it feels like when you were raised by a parent with BPD or BPD traits, outside of experiencing “borderline abuse or CPTSD, etc”
When I read the posts on many Narcissistic websites and YouTube pages, I often see BPD or similar traits expressed in the stories, sometimes instead of NPD, and sometimes alongside.
For me, the reason I think it’s so challenging and important, is that because those with Borderline PD are physiologically more sensitive (ie fMRI studies) and relationally driven (than typical NPD types), many of those with BPD parents describe mixed emotions and mixed experiences with their BPD parent (outside of severe cases).
So, with the common experience where those with BPD can express idealization and devaluation, alongside their need to be in relationship — but also challenged, because they struggle with relational, emotional, self image dysregulation (combined with other criteria… like impulsivity), I think it leaves many children feeling shameful, alone, guilty, and as if they are betraying their mothers —because it wasn’t always bad.
Sometimes she was wonderful, helpful, loving, attentive, fun and more.
But, when it was bad, it was REALLY BAD. And as a result, their childhoods were filled with fear, anger, terror, sadness, confusion, wounding, and a lack of having a consistently safe, attuned and trustworthy caregiver. And, as a result of those traumatic and unpredictable, unsafe, etc -experiences, so many live with the core belief of “I am bad,” while also carrying their own deep psychological and cognitive wounds…
If you don’t understand the complex nature of Borderline Personality Disorder, especially through the lens of a child raised by a BPD parent, this video may help you further your understanding of your parent’s struggle, so you can begin to understand and heal your own struggles.
❤️If you can relate, you are not alone.
❤️You are truly worthy of validation, healing and support.
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💕Journal Exercise Video #3 in Healing Shame in CPTSD
coming in a day or so! “Safe Place and Self Compassion” 🙏🏻🙏🏻