Bipolar mood crash, mania indicators, trauma re-enactment

My name is Xanthe Wyse.

I am heavily sedated in this video yet still not asleep early hours of the morning. After mood has been elevated lately. Was unable to speak loudly so had camera closer than comfortable with.

Diagnosed bipolar disorder (type 1) which has full mania and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Some recent indicators of hypomania or mania for me include:
-disrupted sleep (mostly less, difficulty getting to sleep)
– excessive use of social media (eg 7 hours straight)
– difficulty with doing ‘normal’ self-care like eating etc
– high libido (after usually having no libido), ‘hypersexual’
– impaired judgement
– upsetting others more
– euphoria

There are several other early indicators I haven’t gone into in this video. My indicators might not be the same as other people’s indicators.

Talked a little about trauma re-enactment linked to sex. Processing in this video pain of rejection which I will talk to my psychologist about. It’s too personal and too complex to explain in detail here. Loneliness. Suicidal ideation.

Mood crashes are very rough. The bigger and more prolonged the high, the bigger the crash. This crash is smaller than in the past but it will still disrupt my ability to work etc.

Source: Youtube